The Funniest Words in the English Language

In many professional situations that mask themselves as "social" settings, say at the office picnic or the winter holiday party (also known as the "drunk boss dances awkwardly in front of interns" party), you may find yourself in conversation that requires you to be warm and witty but still be able to maintain a healthy balance of propriety. You have to be able to engage your colleagues so as not to appear socially awkward or inept and thus avoid becoming the office pariah (read: Shit-breath Stan in accounting) but without over-engaging and relinquishing decorum so as not to become, say, the office slut (read: Shit-breath Stan has that breath for a reason).

Since I am both a master conversationalist and a master of magnanimous living, I wish to provide you a surefire way to simultaneously engage, entertain, and impress your work colleagues for all such occasions. The easiest and most efficient way to do this is to use words from the following list "The Funniest Words in the English Language." The title of the list is not an exaggeration. Insert these words carefully, gently even, into the conversation and you will surely captivate your audience. They'll approve with smiles and laughter, and you will remain carefully within the bounds of professionalism. Master this office conversation technique and someday you may be the boss that drinks a little too much and embarrasses yourself with the temp at the next work function.

The Funniest Words in the English Language:

cocksure

cockamainy

cock-a-doodle-doo

cocktail

peecock

poppycock

cockacola

cockaine

hot cockolate

coxswain

Hitchcock

Hancock

cockpit

helicockter

shuttlecock

caulking gun

cockroach

Words like "pussyfoot" and "titmouse" are good too but that may be pushing the envelope with HR.

Clearly these words are completely random and have no real correlation other than the fact that they'll get a good rise out of you. If you find yourself having a hard time getting these words into the conversation, try using some social lubricant and a have a stiff drink or two first. Now that you have these tools, straighten up, be direct, and thrust yourself into conversation with the confidence that you can engage anyone. Godspeed.

Join us tomorrow when I present the funniest words in the Sanskrit language.