Has Times Square transformed from a pedestrian nightmare into a loiterer's dream??? Strolling by on a late Thursday evening, rather than be overtaken by dread and disgust by the sight of meandering tourist throngs (not thongs, which would be equally dreadful) which is what usually happens, I was struck with immense curiosity and by extension, much cat-killing. Up and down Broadway was an iridescent array of shiny, plastic lawn chairs strewn about, hundreds of lawn chairs. 'Did I stumble upon a Florida retirement home convention?' I wondered. Judging by the lack of floral-print short-sleeve button downs, the answer was decidedly no. Instead I witnessed teenage urbanites sitting and light-gazing in their emo way, old-timer New Yorkers comfortably seated while chewing the fat (don't worry it was saturated not trans), yuppy transplants crackberrying in the glow of neon lights, and a group of 20-something year old boys seated in a circle and hovering over an imaginary bong. 'If only we were in Amsterdam,' their longing eyes said. It was a sight to behold.
No longer was there the hustle and bustle of NY's fabled image, but instead, hundreds of idling people--much to the chagrin of our Puritan forefathers and foremothers (eat that, prudes!)--who were so chillaxed I thought they might bust out the hustle. All they needed were some red plastic cups and Uncle Roger's county famous bbq sauce. New York, she's a changing. From foot traffic to butt traffic, sitting is the new black, and lawn chair is the new 20. We're bringing lazy back.
And with this transformation of Times Square: The Traffic Melee to Times Square: The Sloth Center, I can only look forward (since my eyes are on the front of my face, not the back) to what other opposite-day changes the city has in store. Will they transform Central Park into a demolition derby and monster truck rally arena? Will Park Ave apartments get gentrified and be replaced with methadone clinics and Korean groceries? Will white people drive their own cabs? Will I ask a homeless guy for money and then refuse when he offers me bread? Who knows what the future holds?
