And the winner is...

Dear World,

I regret to inform you that a tiny but very bright, shining light went out forever yesterday. At approximately 11:18 in the evening, Gadget, the brilliant and beautiful fast-talking, wrench-wielding cartoon mouse of Rescue Ranger fame, died suddenly and unexpectedly.

After mounting an impressive unanimous victory in The Get Down's lovefest contest "Who should I date?", Gadget left her tree domicile in a hollowed out toothpaste tube with wings and flew to Central Park to claim her first round prize, a nuzzle with me. She landed softly on on the west end of Sheep's Meadow, deboarded her vessel, and began to run towards me across the grass. I was dazzled by how refined and graceful she was, running on two hind legs rather than on fours, with her lustrous hair ebbing and flowing in the night wind. As she scurried through the field, time began to slow as if all the clocks in the world were taking a break.

In the corner of my eye, a black and white animated furball appeared out of nowhere and pounced on top of Gadget. I rushed to stop this feline attacker, but it was too late. She had already been swallowed whole. Her devourer turned and looked at me with brazen satisfaction as he picked his teeth with a claw. He extracted a pair of goggles from the back of his throat and flung them at my feet. "Suffering succotash sucka!" he yelled idignantly. With those words, he disappeared into the black night.

It was Sylvester, the cat not Stallone, that did this foul deed of eating a cartoon mouse. I thought he only had eyes for Tweety, but apparently his palate is not quite that discriminating.

But perhaps a conspiracy is at hand. Another attack in an ongoing war between two rival anthropomorphized and iconic woodland creatures with alliterated names: Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse. Bugs has always been jealous of Mickey's pants-wearing and Mickey, with his high-pitched voice, has always been envious of Bug's freedom to express himself in drag. Perhaps Gadget was another unfortunate casualty in this decades-old feud.


I dream of a day when Disney characters and Warner Bros. characters can sit down together at the table of brothersisterhood. I dream of a day when Donald Duck, Daisy Duck, and Daffy Duck can realize that they are related ducks and then fly away together in V-formation. I dream of a day when Speedy Gonzalez can visit the Mexico pavilion at Epcot Center and when Darkwing Duck can ride the Batman coaster at Six Flags.

Let us not allow Gadget's demise be for nothing. The best way we can memorialize her is to end the violence, end the needless suffering, and end this war. Just as she brought together old junk to form spectacular crime-stopping creations, so should we bring talking animals together to form spectacular knee-slapping collaborations.

Gadget is survived by a fat cheese-loving mouse and a pair of quarreling twin chipmunks.

Sincerely,
Boogie Brown

P.S. Because of Gadget's untimely swallowing, The Girlfriend Lap Pillow will proceed to the second round of the "Who should I date?" competition. In the meantime, I shall nestle my cheek in the grooves of her thigh cleavage and lubricate them with my mourning tears.