Dealbreakers!

A few months ago, an article in the nytimes discussed how some people end romantic relationships based on their partner's disagreeable taste in books. "Ugh, I noticed that he read more Camus than Sartre, so I deleted his number," exclaimed one woman who refused to be identified. While this may seem harshly judgemental, petty, and elitist, it can't be denied that we all have our own set of deciding factors that determine if someone gets the bed or the door. Whether it be books, movies, attire, mannerisms, there will always be something that sounds our alarms, forcing us to cry out "NEXT!" These are dealbreakers. There's no comprising here. Comply or fly. I've assembled a list of some of my dealbreakers below. What are some of yours?

Dealbreakers!

Their feet are bigger than mine (Men's 10).

They're pretentious enough to say that they only listen to music without lyrics in it.

They own more cats than they have personal hygiene products.

Their bookmarked websites include dealingwithVD.com and rushlimbaugh.org.

They wear crocs to the grocery store.

They wear crocs.

They have a playlist on their iPod entitled "Best of Yannis, no really, it is."

They have a picture of George Bush in their office and it is completely free of dart holes, bullet holes, or any other holes made from a sharp or explosive object.

They walk around with a bluetooth headset on their ear regardless of whether or not they're talking on the phone.

Their tan melts off in the heat of the subway station.

They only read books with an Oprah's Book Club sticker prominently displayed on the front cover.

When they talk about recession, they're talking about their hairline.

They didn't roll their eyes during Titanic. Instead they cried.

The only thing they collect is alimony.

You could run a hose through the gap in their teeth.

They're still wearing skorts.

They have an unfinished tattoo of Brittney Spears on their back.

The pronounce the H in words like "whom," "what," and "whim."

They wear anything made out of hemp.

You don't know what's dirtier, their hair or their feet.

They make Manute Bol look obese.

They are perpetually stuck in Jeopardy land and say everything in the form of a question?

To protect their eyes from harmful UV rays, they've decided to wear sunglasses at night.

They DVR Gossip Girl.

When greeting a person, they kiss the air on both sides of that person's face.

The word "lotion" has never once made it onto their shopping list. See elbows for confirmation.

They still have pillowcases featuring all five members of New Kids on the Block plus a plush doll of Marky Mark.

Their last name is Palin.

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Thanks to Cruzin' (cranberry-raisin that's bruised) for the idea.