Sarah Palin's Facebook Page (click to see full)

Lost in IM Translation

MrBojangles: Hollllaaaaaa!

xEyeHeartMarioLopez: why must you yell at me in Spanish?

xEyeHeartMarioLopez: you know I don’t habla the espanol

MrBojangles: holla not hola!

xEyeHeartMarioLopez: well stop holla-ing at me

xEyeHeartMarioLopez: you know I don’t espeak the jive

MrBojangles: man, you dumb

xEyeHeartMarioLopez: mute or mentally deficient?

MrBojangles: definitely the latter, but I’m wishing it was the former too

xEyeHeartMarioLopez: aw shite, my balls ache…male birth control was a bad idea

End scene.

Stoopid Ass Etymological Question of the Day

Why do they call the front passenger seat of a car "shotgun?" If anything, it should be called "semi-automatic" for the 9mm stashed in the glove compartment. But maybe that's just my 90's rap roots talking. As we all know shotguns aren't really the preferred firearm of choice in the urban environment. You can't exactly tuck a shotgun into your draws and call it 'concealed.' Therefore, "shotgun" has gotta be a term from Hicksville, Alabama (a real place I shit you not...I don't think I could literally shit you anyway; you're far to big to emerge from my anal cavity). And that's some crazy shit too 'cuz you can't even hide a shotgun in the front seat of a car and/or pickup truck. And tractor trailers don't even have passenger seats. They're like the unicycle of the farm vehicle world. But anyway, the shotgun, it's just out in the open in that passenger seat like "Hey, everybody, look at me and my shotgun driving around the farmer's market. We are badass people. Don't front on our giant tomatoes or we will shoot you in the red neck!"

In the 1920's I bet they called the front passenger seat "tommy gun." "I call tommy!" Joseph 'Babyface' Mulroney would exclaim as he and his fellow gangsters rushed to the getaway car. And in the 1020's it was probably called the "sword and scabbard," and it referred to the stool right next to the wooden-leg captain Robert the Scurvy Scourge of the Seven Seas. "No backseat sailing or else I'm turning this galleon right back around to Antigua! Argghhh!!"

And in prehistoric times they called it the "rock to the face." But instead of a passenger seat, it was the spot in front of two people walking behind you and one person walking to your left. That's how they traveled back then. I know this. I'm a certified historian/time traveler. You punkass, don't doubt me.

So anyway, do "shotgun weddings" have more to do with the front seat of a car or with the barrel of Elmer Fudd's gun? "Shhh, be vewy vewy qwuiet...I'm hunting for wifeys."



Also seems appropriate that McCain's choice of Palin is referred to as a "shotgun wedding." She's definitely riding shotgun, holding a shotgun, and aiming at anything with antlers, community organizing experience, or a press pass.

Sexual Responsibility Question of the Day

Should guys take some form of birth control? Ice out their balls and shoot blanks for the good of humanity? Drop an atomic bomb of infertility on the spermizens of Hiro-shemen and Nut-asaki (too soon?)? I personally would feel a lot better knowing that I took the pill rather than banking on the word of a female that may or may not be lying, that may or may not have a faulty memory of pill popping. As my boy Mookie says, "Chick could be lying duuude!" I also consulted a very reliable sex expert (read: addict) and personal friend (read: my mom) who states that birth control is not as effective when used alone anyway. So better to kill one bird with two pills, eh?

Absurd Question of the Day

Would you patronize a pastry shop called "Re:Tarts"?

Instant Message Thought of the Moment Continued

My neighbor Calamity makes another good point about the grammar of instant message laughter. The almighty 'laugh out loud' comes with its own superlative counterparts: lol, lmao, and lmfao. It's the internet's own version of good, better, best. Lol is the same-age cousin of the casual humor acknowledgement 'haha.' 'lmao' is saved for things that really are funny. And the 'lmfao' is the rarest of online chuckling, kind of like seeing a yeti, a unicorn, and a dodo bird have a manage et trios…in laughter form, of course.

And for the wannabe thuggette 16-year-old girls out there, add a 'z' to the 'lol' and you get the slang version of IM haha. So if lol, lmao, lmfao is like good, better, best, than 'lolz' pretty much means 'dope.'

And of course, none of this should be confused with LFO…cuz obviously anything involving white boys rap-singing about Abercrombie and fitch must mean it's BAD…and i don't mean bad meaning good, i mean bad meaning plain ol' bad.

The end.

The Evolution of Evil Transformers

Constructicons:



Insecticons:



Emoticons:
:)
=P
>:(
:*(