This just in: New York City webslinging vigilante Spider-Man is reported to be none other than First Lady Elect Michelle Obama. The evidence is conclusive. The trademark fist bump often traded between soon-to-be President Obama and his wife Michelle to channel their supernatural powers is seen here to be used with the masked arachnid guy...woman. Also note the way POTUS 44 pauses, employs ellipsis (the three periods denoting artful use of suspenseful silence), and then calls the crime-fighter "partner." Clearly, he is referring to his life-partner MO. Those aren't pectoral muscles folks, those are boobies.
Late Breaking News! Daily Bugle photographer and Queens native Peter Parker is actually a post-op transexual and transracial and now currently married to the next leader of the United States. Suddenly, the red and blue tights don't seem like an odd apparel choice at all.
"I bet I can get those Spidey senses tingling with this one finger...partner."
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