Dear State of Hawaii,

The election of your current governor proves that your residents will not vote on the basis of looks and that your pleasant islands are indeed a safe haven for the uglies.

I regretfully admit that were she a male governor, my scrutiny would probably be less severe. But let that only be a testament to the redeeming power of the aloha spirit. In all other corners of our superficial, sexist, and misogynistic nation, she would be a veritable outcast and stoned upon sight. Yet, Hawaii is the one place where even a Jim Henson reject can rise to a position of leadership. Telly would be so proud.

Her uncomfortable smile, looming at the airport, greets visitors to the islands, a symbol of amnesty for those afflicted with Paper-Bag Face. Foreign produce is not acceptable in Hawaii, but apparently everything else is fair game. I think a marketing campaign targeted to bridge trolls, Orcs, and Janet Reno, alerting them of this acceptance, would do wonders for your tourism industry.

It's truly a beautiful state, not necessarily because of your scenic locales and clearly not because of your population, but rather because of your openness to all, regardless of looks. And thank goodness your state is a bunch of remote islands in the middle of the Pacific, far away from everyone else.

Sincerely grateful,
Boogie Brown