Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Who should I date?

Eva Mendes
Why I like her: She’s hot and I’m attracted to hot. She's still a rising star, not yet on the level of JLo or Angelina, so if I get with her now, down the road when we get into arguments I can always pull out the I-supported-your-career-when-you-were-a-nobody card. Dispute settled. And I for one prefer to be on equal footing with my romantic companion...my romanion, if you will. Power dynamics are cancer to a relationship, so it's good that Eva is clearly in my league. She's just a tad bit uglier. I can live with that.

OR

Sarah Palin
Why I like her: If it’s discovered that she’s having an affair with me, that’s just one more scandal to throw on top of her pile o’ screw-ups that is her burning blimp of a campaign. Imagine if polaroids of me in a moose suit licking the stilettos of her dominatrix outfit made it to the front page of the Times. Bye bye McShame. Hello Cougar Hall of Fame. I'd be taking one for the team. Barack, just call me Maverick cuz I'm your wingman.

Top 3 titles for our 'leaked' home-movie sex-tape:
“Cuntry First”
“Palin’s Poopergate Investigation”
“Tina Fey Does It with Asian Guy”

4 comments:

lawdamercy said...

this is the only time Palin gets my vote.

dana said...

i think you are skewing the votes with that inaccurate image of palin...she ain't really got gams like that.

Boogie Brown/The Brian said...

gams really turn me on.

Anonymous said...

English language isn't my main language, however I could understand it while using google translator. Outstanding article, you can keep them coming! Thank you!