The Vice Presidential Debate Drinking Game aka Drink Till Palin Sounds Intelligent

Every time someone blurts out “man, she really looks like Tina Fey!” everyone yell “Lizzz Lemonnn” in your best Tracy Morgan impression and have a lemon drop shot.

Every time you have an impure thought about the MILFiest VP candidate of all time, make the sign of the cross over your wine glass and have a sip of the blood of Christ.

Every time Joe Biden mentions “Amtrak,” drink a shot with your party, one right after another, like a domino effect (or a waterfall or a train going round the bend). Before taking your shot, look your shot glass in the eyes and say “I choo-choo-choooose you!” Accompanying train-engineer fist pump is optional.

Every time Sarah Palin is quiet for far too long because she’s stumped by a question she can’t answer, the whole bar must have a moment of silence…for the last bit of Republican hope that just died.

Every time Sarah Palin mentions that John McCain chooses “Country First,” drink a redbull and take a dump in the nearest toilet. Then point at it and say, “Look, red [state] bullshit.”

Every time Sarah Palin defends her foreign policy experience by alluding to the proximity of Alaska to Russia and/or Canada, hug the person next to you and have a gulp of their drink. It doesn’t matter if you don’t really know them.

Every time Joe Biden makes a bad joke (e.g. “The only thing dumber than the McCain economic plan is your baby…..ewww….awkward turtle…”), do your best Fran Drescher cackle and sip your drink through your nose.

Every time someone says “pork barrel politics” or “earmarks,” buy a round of Blue Label Johnny Walker shots for the entire bar and put it on someone else’s tab. Go up to that person, pat them on the back, and say “Thanks taxpayer! Giggidy giggidy giggidy!”

Every time someone mentions the war in Iraq or Afghanistan, have a jaeger bomb or car bomb and try locating that country on a map. (If Sarah Palin mentions a war in Japan, have a sake bomb, slap your forehead, and yell “D’OH!”)

Every time Sarah Palin says John McCain showed leadership on the bailout plan for Wall Street, suspend all drinking activities and go directly to the office…until your co-workers tell you to go home ‘cuz you’re useless.

Every time Joe Biden says Barack Obama showed leadership on the bailout plan for Wall Street, write the bartender a $700 billion check. Don’t ask too many questions.

Every time a candidate invokes the word “change,” switch seats with someone and drink their drink…unless it was Sarah Palin who said it. In that case, pretend to switch seats with somebody, steal their money, and go back to your original seat and drink.

Every time you think to yourself that this is the stupidest shit I’ve ever seen, leave the bar immediately and book yourself a one-way ticket to Canada. (Note: If you don’t know where that is, just remember that it’s the place that shares a land-border with the state of Alaska.)