…in a decisive and portentous (SAT word in the house!) first victory, the Green M&M! She devoured Ashley Banks, hit single and all. “Mannn, she’s weak….last week!” Despite support for Ashley on this blog’s droppings section from lawdamercy (who wisely pointed out that Banks is the human option, albeit fictional) and a whisper campaign against the Green M&M about her supposed lactose content (detrimental to this lactard blogger), the chocolate treat with eyes and legs lead the way with aggressive on-the-ground support. The people have spoken. And they say that I need a woman with a tough exterior (ever toss an M&M into the air and try to catch it with your mouth, only for it to crash into your teef like a kamikaze pilot on crack? Shit hurts meng) but also so sweet on the inside that she makes you say “Mm.” She also tastes good with ice cream.
Stay tuned for the next first round face-off for my affection (i.e. dating me for 2.5 months till I realize I’m not ready to be serious)!
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BREAKING NEWS: It has been discovered that the Green M&M only has 4 fingers on each hand (see campaign photo from previous entry for evidence). I dunno if I can date a woman with only 8 fingers! Which one's her ring finger?? Could she properly greet me at a Star Trek convention or would it just look like she's throwing up the shocker? Aww man.
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2 comments:
i think there are dark chocolate m&ms. maybe you should opt for those. (this advice coming from a fellow lactard friend)
green m&m is a good choice. at least you won't eat her. she's environmentally conscious (go green! terrible joke, i know). she can hold her own - i've seen those m&m commercials, and she's small, sassy, and curvy. sounds like a keeper.
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