Dear Immortal Technique,

While I appreciate your indie-mindedness and dedication to third world struggles (props for shouting out Southeast Asia), your recent performance at Rock the Bells was wiggidy wiggidy wack. Spitting progressive political raps does not automatically make you dope. Revolution itself is not the art form; hip hop is the art form. Please remember that in your future endeavors. Perhaps take a page (or the whole book) from Dead Prez. Or borrow some dope-sauce from Public Enemy. Hip hop should move me, not make me wince in pain cuz it sounds like someone murdering a kitten. (Did you text me?)

In the immortal words of Lil Mama, “you just don’t excite me.”

Hopefully you've realized this after seeing all the non-dancing, nerdy white kids that showed up to see you. It looked like the line for the new iphone. (shit I should know; I was on that line)

And bragging at the end of your set that "I'm gonna walk through the crowd now because I'm not afraid of my fans, I'm not afraid of the people" sounded more insecure than inspiring. Why must you be the RockSteady of rap? And of course you’re not afraid of your fans. What’s the worst they can do, write a diatribe blog post about u?

Sigh. Like I said, your politics are on point, and I'm all for the revolution you propose, but please please please make your flows tighter and your beats doper. Keep it funky, guy. Cuz I got my fist up, but can you make my head nod? If not, then I ask you to decline the offer to perform in between Dead Prez and De La Soul. It's just not right.

Peace and solidarity,
Boogie B

P.S. Please don't shoot me with your rifle. I'm allergic to bullets.