Who should I date?

Part 3 of the 32-part 1st round matchups of dating competition...Who should I choose to bestow my massive load of amorous glory? We have a fierce a competition of bitter rivals this week. So dear reader, who should I date? Or in a more grammatically-sensitive matter, whom should I date?

Wonder Woman
Why I like her: Forget all the hullabaloo about her lustrous black hair, her flawless physique, and her always-ready-for-halloween slutty superhero outfit. Nevermind that she can crush worlds with her thighs or can engage in many a wild wild west role-play with her Lasso of Truth in tow. I don't even give a damn that she's Amazonian royalty with connections to Supes and the Bat. Forget all that. She's on my list 'cuz she got an invisible jet! You can't get more baller than that!! Imagine us rollin' to the club in a jet...that you can't even see. Baller! Forget bling that blinds you, this ish is so blingity human eyes can't even detect it! Now couple that with my appreciation for alliteration, and you get a winning combo...Wonder Woman winks wisely at wiley wicked witches while walloping their withered wigs and wasting away their wicked ways.











OR

Your Mom
Why I like her: If you're reading this, your mom clearly has quality taste that she has passed on to you. She also has a lot of conviction, strength of character, and perseverence as she exhibited by not aborting you. Or perhaps she's just pro-life. And that's ok for this liberal, 'cuz I am pro-cougar.

Seriously though, every kid needs a father. Dating your mother would bring me one step closer to filling that void in your life. First, I'll be that casual gentleman caller that comes over for dinner. You begrudgingly eat with us but I win you over with lavish gifts and helping you with your algebra homework. Then I move into that phase where I spend the night 4 times a week and regularly pick you up from soccer practice. Eventually, you will be the flower girl/ring-bearer at your mother's wedding with me, at which point you forget your biological father and earnestly call me Dad for the first time. Everything's gonna be ok, junior. Daddy's here for you.