The Lean-In and Look

you're sitting on the downtown A train on the way to work, and another person stands in front of you only to lean forward into your face, this stranger's head only an inch away from yours while they scan the subway map posted behind your head...do you ever get the urge to kiss this person? sometimes i blow in their ear. if i'm feeling particularly cheery, i'll whisper "going my way?" and give em a wet willy. and by wet willy i don't mean a saliva covered pinky finger to the ear canal. i'm talking about my gnome friend Willy with the bladder problem. i'll try to slip him into the stranger's pocket.

i think normal people in this position usually find themselves contorting their neck-heads to the side and try to look directly ahead of them, pretending to completely ignore this person invading their personal space. but in reality, normal people can't avoid using their wide-eyed peripherals to scope this stranger's flaring nostrils at the side of their face. from that angle, even judd nelson's got nothing on those gaping nose-holes. it's like staring into the depths of nothingness. and you're left wondering, "damn, why didn't this person check hopstop before they left the house? wtf?"

so i submit to you subway rider rule #380: never sit in front of a subway map or you too may become victim of the "lean-in and look."

exceptions to subway rider rule #380:
-stranger in question is flipping hot as blogs!
-stranger in question turns out to be your mom. wet Willy would just be inappropriate at that point.
-stranger in question smells like chocolate chip cookies.
-stranger in question is actually a giant chocolate chip cookie. yum.