The Lean-In and Look

you're sitting on the downtown A train on the way to work, and another person stands in front of you only to lean forward into your face, this stranger's head only an inch away from yours while they scan the subway map posted behind your head...do you ever get the urge to kiss this person? sometimes i blow in their ear. if i'm feeling particularly cheery, i'll whisper "going my way?" and give em a wet willy. and by wet willy i don't mean a saliva covered pinky finger to the ear canal. i'm talking about my gnome friend Willy with the bladder problem. i'll try to slip him into the stranger's pocket.

i think normal people in this position usually find themselves contorting their neck-heads to the side and try to look directly ahead of them, pretending to completely ignore this person invading their personal space. but in reality, normal people can't avoid using their wide-eyed peripherals to scope this stranger's flaring nostrils at the side of their face. from that angle, even judd nelson's got nothing on those gaping nose-holes. it's like staring into the depths of nothingness. and you're left wondering, "damn, why didn't this person check hopstop before they left the house? wtf?"

so i submit to you subway rider rule #380: never sit in front of a subway map or you too may become victim of the "lean-in and look."

exceptions to subway rider rule #380:
-stranger in question is flipping hot as blogs!
-stranger in question turns out to be your mom. wet Willy would just be inappropriate at that point.
-stranger in question smells like chocolate chip cookies.
-stranger in question is actually a giant chocolate chip cookie. yum.

A rather belated 20 second review of that movie Cloverfield from like seven months ago

Cloverfield would be really close to being brilliant if it wasn't so goddamn awful. Rather than being an on-the-ground chronicle of what happens to real new yorkers in the midst of a chaotic attack on the city, it's more of an on-the-ground account of Gossip Girl mistakenly shot on the soundstage of a blockbuster Godzilla movie. However, in hindsight, watching the glamorous yuppies get attacked, impaled, and killed one by one is delightful fantasy-fulfillment. i would love to see this movie re-shot with a completely different cast (the more 'of color' variety), without any script (only a basic plot; think Robert Altman improv), but with all the same editing, cinematography, special effects, use of sound, and even the Godzilla proxy.

two hilarious reviews, one from the times that thrashes the movie (click here) and one from the village voice that praises it for destroying the cesspool of yuppyland that is manhattan (or click here).

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Beware! The Blllloooogggg!!!

Does Blog exist? Do you believe in Blog?